Thursday, January 2, 2014


By Patrick Jones

It’s when they show themselves that you know for sure. That’s really the only time you are certain that he’s one of them. The other times you’ll have your suspicions and near certainties, and you are almost seriously convinced he’s one, but then he bleeds or coughs or sneezes then you are left confused and doubting your ability to identify them again. And sometimes one of them is so good he is not even under suspicion. That’s the ones that really blow you away because you had no idea. He wasn’t showing any of the signs and has perfected his concealment and he was under your radar. And then one of those non-suspects shows himself for just a moment and you are confused in the other direction. I’m not sure which is worse – suspecting one that isn’t or not suspecting one that is. Either way sucks. So you‘re better off suspecting them all, but you can’t really do that can you? We all can’t be one of them. So when you’re out there, don’t trust anyone, OK. It’s safer that way. Better for everyone in the long run, and safer for you. Well, you can try anyway. The real zinger with these things is the women. You’re already at a disadvantage just by the way they look and carry themselves and they know it. Makes it hard to think straight and keep your thoughts in line. Right off the bat your hoping she’s not one of them but deep down you think she might be and it puts you off balance. And a little further down inside you hope that she is. They know that too and they use it to their advantage. And the really giant zinger-oo is: the women-things offer the best a man has ever had in his life. She is able to give a man exactly what his body and psyche needs to make him complete for the rest of his life. What he’s been craving for his entire life. And, oh yea, and they know that too.
The question you have to ask yourself is, do you terminate these women-things when you identify her, for the good of humanity and the Union, or do you cast all that aside and take advantage of what everyone is talking about then try to terminate her later on. But that’s been the dilemma. No man has been able to do that yet. It’s sort of like stumbling across a million in cash. Do you turn it in and try to find its rightful owner or keep it all for yourself? Come on. It’s going to happen to all of you eventually, so it’s best to think about it ahead of time. They look like us. They act like us. They live and breathe and laugh and cry, but they do make mistakes sometimes and that’s what we hope for. That’s what you will wait for. You’ve trained to identify those errors then you’ll act quickly and efficiently and send them off to their maker. The ones that scare me the most are the ones that don’t care. Those will taunt you and almost dare you to do your duty. They show themselves, in their blistering blinding light they have then smile at you as if to say, yea, I’m here. Now what are you gonna do? Well, just go ahead and do it. So you are the last hope for the Union. The others that have gone before you have failed. You are the last of the trainees that will be sent into the world to eliminate them. Your chances are not good. You few are the last of the incomplete men. Good luck.

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Patrick, a US Navy veteran, graduated from veterinary school in 1990 and is still in practice. He lives on Florida's Gulf Coast with his wife and two children.


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